No Idea what the heading shud be....

It took me 10 mins to think where to start from, and even as i am writing it i have no clue as to what i am going to write..... Yes the inspiration from Adnan worked :D I joined a gym, and feels really good when i finish the work out and come back home in the night all tired and exhausted. but something unexpected happened last night. even though i was so tired and all, i cud not sleep last night, and the same is the case today.. which is why i am awake so late to vomit my thoughts again to this blog.....
no matter how hard i try i am just not able to relax... some how i have become an insomniac, is it the pressure of the high expectations of people around?? or am i just tooo insane......
Its not as bad as it used to be those days when i had started writing this blog... I had given up completely and had almost no hope then... now i know some of u read this and that help comes from most unimaginable and unexpected places..... its weird how people who u dont even know may say something that just hits u at times...
anyways this is not about them, its more abt whats going thru my head at the moment... not really sure. am a confused soul.. planning to give a competitve exam soon, needs minimum 2 months prep..... abt time i started focussing on it... but am sooooo pathetically lost that i cant figure out things arnd me... half the time am unaware of whats going on and that applies to the office also... just the other day when i was sitting in front of my comp i realised i was doing nothing but staring follishly at the desktop and daydreaming when i am supposed to be doing tasks allocated to me. my latest found hobby.... DAYDREAMING... yes there have been occasions when am sitting between frenz and having a jolly good time and all of a sudden i realise i missed something in between... ahhhhhhh too many things... maybe am just putting too much pressure on myself... but the time right now is really crucial specially for me... its like this make or break time..... ah now i get ambitious...
well what do u know.... i always had dreams and ambitions but never had the courage to pursue my dreamz.... i took life very lightly always and now i realise time is running away.... slippin away.... i never felt bad for missing out on things in my life but now i feel bad for not giving them a 100%.. they have all been well within my grasp... So close yet so far..........
i can see around me people who work hard and lemme tell u hard work does pay off.... i have seen most of them being well rewarded... i dunno where this topic is heading but am just writing out whatever comes to my mind.... any psychoanalysts please help me in figuring out my state of mind....
another thing that i realise is that am too dramatic,... i see a nice inspirational movie and the next thing i know is i am full on JOSH and ready to rock and roll. and minutes later am back to myself.... during my college days i committed a mistake of trying to reinvent myself and trying to be someone i am completely not... now am lost... my thoughts and feelings at the moment can best be summarised by the song "SOMEWHERE I BELONG" and "NUMB" by Linkin Park...... http://www.linkin-parkworld.com/info/meteoralyrics.php

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I let it all out to find/That I'm
Not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose
Just stuck/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
And the fault is my own

I've got nothing to say
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face
I was confused
Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's
Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
So what am I
What do I have but negativity
'Cause I can't justify the
Way everyone is looking at me
Nothing to lose
Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone
And the fault is my own
The fault is my own


A more than perfect description of what i am going thru..... If anyone of u has been thru all this then please help me in finding the light at the end of the tunnel..... its pitch dark and i cant see anything :((
there is so much hidden inside that needs to come out before i start going after what i am supposed to do. but time is of the essence... now is the time i need to let go of all this and gear up and do what i am supposed to do, something i shud have started loooooooooooooooong ago...
i wish our lives also had an f1 key that we cud press every now and then and get going.....
:D heheheh okay jokes apart... am serious to the core,... i mean it... help me out plz... like they say doobte to tinke ka sahaara kaafi hota hai.... so plz contribute ur tinkas a.s.a.p.....