When Life kicks in (rather kicks the shit out of you)

Been ages since i wrote my last Blog... But am back again, sounding as bad as i did when i first started Blogging or probably even worse...
Hmmm lets see what happened in the last few months.,,, a lot of things, good and bad.. for the start i finally was motivated and had a goal in my mind, and i went after it.. for the first time in my life i was serious about something and it looked almost within my grasp,, but then it all boils down to THE DAY, as they say...2 months of effort and preparation gone down the drain... oh thats just great.. as if i wasnt bruised enough..
Like i used to say, even if i fail, atleast i will fail without reasons, i will have no regrets cause i gave my best shot... Like hell, its all bull, nothing but just bull..... Ya i gave my best shot, i put in everything, but then what mattered in the end was the result... which didnt go my way...
Good Lord, what do i do??? It seems like ages since i have tasted the sweet success..... and i am even forgetting how it used to be...
Then came the days of self imrpovement, some one really important in my life, made me realise that i was hiding in a shell, afraid to get out of it, afraid to lose what i had, (though it was not enuf, it never is.....).. So what do i do???? i look out for advice... and probably one of the best advices that i got was to believe in yourself rather than start depending on others... hmmm i thought and thought and thought over it again and again.., Hell yeah!!!! Am good enough to trust my own capabilities... God knows what was holding me back... I have to break the shackles and let loose....
And that my friends was the best part of those months...
But boss life is not really that simple, as one might expect,,, i was in a positive frame of mind and things just started looking really clear and simple... and then,,,, MY LIFE kicked in yet again..... and Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... YET AGAIN!!!!!!!!
Back into the shell and more bruised than ever this time....
ahem ahem!!!!! YET AGAIN!!!!
So whats wrong with me??? I am more confused than ever and more doubtfull of making it big than ever.... gosh!!!
Now i ask myself a question... Why the hell am i writing this blog and seeking advice from unknown people, again..... Why????? When i know for a fact that the best person to understand comprehend and judge my situation is me, not anyone else..... And unless i try out myself am not gonna come out of it...
And the answer to that from what i think is, all am looking for are people who can associate themselves with what i am sayin and who at some point in their life have been through the same,,,, I wanna know what they did to get out of it...
Life is mysterious, and plays a harsh game, Once again it has beaten me, which is unacceptable to me, but the war aint over yet....
People, let me know of what u think.......